Tumblr Rant..
Nobody actually understands how i feel.. I dated some kid who i really liked, i never date people, so i obviously liked him a lot to date him.. We got along soo good, but after dating for a while, he started to get really clingy so i was basically looking for reasons to break up with him. We ended up breaking up, but i still had feelings for him cause he was such a great person, just to clingy. I’ve liked him ever since we broke up. We were getting closer and i started to get stronger and stronger feelings for him as we were friends even though he had been hooking up with girls. It was slowly starting to break me every time i heard there was a new girl but i made it look like i didnt care. One of those girls he had hooked up with was my friend, they just kissed, but i was still hurt by the fact that she would do that. After about a month, she finally apologized and stupid me.. i accepted it. Probably 2 weeks later, i hear a rumor about how they had sex. I was seriously heart broken; seconds away from crying; seconds away from punching her as hard as i could in the face.. then i realized.. my best friend was best friends with my ex boyfriend….. she had to know.. they had sex on a saturday… the day i found out was on a wednesday.. All i was thinking was.. “how could my best friend know this and not tell me?!” Like honestly.. theres something called girl-code where no matter what you tell eachother EVERYTHING. Like im pretty good at keeping secrets, the least she could have done was tell me and tell me not to say anything.. but nope. nothing. not even a watch out.. nothing. I started to grow feelings for him those weeks before i had found out and it was constant flirting between us.. and he goes and has sex with my friend. That wednesday i found out, they started dating (even after they had sex). it broke my heart into a million pieces because it made me feel like he would rather have her than me.. was it because she put out and i didnt..? was it because he thought shhe was better than me? who knows.. But i am just so mad at everyone who had something to do with this.. my ex, the stupid bitch who fucked him, my “best friend” who couldnt even follow girl code, nor appologize for not telling me and telling me “it didnt concern me…” wtf? honestly though if i found out that her ex boyfriend had sex with one of her friends, im pretty sure she would be pretty pissed if i didnt tell her.. like i understand they’re friends, but she could have at least told me, she doesnt realize that other people have feelings too & she has to be sensitive to peoples emotions. It feels like were in best friend bootcamp lately, im getting kinda sick of it cause she keeps fucking up. like.. shes my BEST friend and everything but honestly i dont deserve to be treated like shit. She triess to be a good friend to my ex boyfriend, but by doing that… doesnt that mean shes being a bad friend to me..? clearly she cares more about their friendship than ours. I try way to hard for our friendship, friendship is supposed to come naturally, you shouldnt try that hard. Its kinda annoying. I try talking to her about everything but sometimes it seems like im talking to a brick wall. Im there for her 110% & it seems like thees only there for me whenever its convenient for her. I;m sure everything will be back to normal soon, but this has actually felt good to get this off my chest.. Theres so much more but oh well.. Fuck everyone.
